- What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
- As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!". The other cow replies "Good thing I'm a helicopter".
- What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.